dysfunction junction

So a few months back, the husband of an old "friend" IM'd me on Facebook.
I was really very shocked.
He asked me if we could all get together and I informed them that I no longer
resided in Florida, and in fact have been back up here for over a year now.
Boy was he surprised!
Anyway, hearing from him was a bit odd.
At first I thought it wouldn’t be too bad.
But then …..
The more I thought about it, the more I realized:
~I didn't want to hear from them.
~I didn't want to be friends with them anymore.

You see, about 8 years ago, there was a group of us.
Myself and 2 couples.
Yes, I was the odd man out.
The single one.
We all enjoyed hanging out, having bbq's, playing games, etc.
Our kids all played together even though John & Michelles daughter was just a wee babe.
Beki & Travis' son and mine were only about a year apart in age.
We were in each others lives daily.
One great big extended family.
Till Beki got sicker.
Now, Beki had been very sick from the day I met her.
The doctors had no idea what was wrong with her, and no matter they did,
she just kept getting worse and worse.
Here's a short list of some of her ailments:
-Acute Rheumatoid arthritis
-Acute Osteoarthritis
-Crohns Disease
-Acute Osteoporosis
-Chronic intestinal obstruction

Her list of ailments was huge.
The longer she lived, the worse her condition (s) became.
She was a 28 year woman trapped in the body of a 90 year old.
Literally.
All her teeth fell out by age 26, she had a old lady hump, and ambulated like one too.
Still, she kept on fighting.
I drove her to the Mayo Clinic 4 hours away several times to meet with new doctors.
She tried all kinds of treatments and needless to say, her list of meds was quite extensive.
She had some very lethal and powerful narcotics to cope with the pain.
It was heartbreaking to watch, but she was my "sister", and I loved her.
I would have moved heaven itself for her if I could have.
Anyway, so because of all of her medical issues, she had stopped having sex with Travis a few years earlier.
It was always a big joke amongst all of us that we (Myself, Travis & Beki) were the celibate triangle.
We were.
Now, Michelle had known Travis & Beki far longer than I.
They had all gone to high school together.
So they had a bond that was far different than I had with them.
I understood that, and really, it wasn't an issue for me.
But it was for Michelle.
She was VERY jealous of any time I spent with either one of them.
Which quite frankly, was a lot.
Our kids were closer in age, none of us was having sex, and we just had a lot in common.
John & Michelle had a toddler at home, a business they were trying to run and Michelle was pregnant with #2.
Just different things going on in their life.
A huge fight ensued, things were said, feelings were hurt, and then the inevitable happened.
We all broke up with each other.
Well, Michelle broke herself off from Travis & Beki and then me.
Right about this time, Travis was offered a new job on the west coast.
After they moved, Beki once again became VERY ill.
I wanted to go visit her, but I had a lot of crap going on in my life and I was unable to.
(I was 8 months pregnant and could barely walk)
I wish I had made the time.
Not too long after she was hospitalized I received a call from Travis telling me that Beki was dead.
I was ready to drive over for the funeral when he informed that there would be no funeral.
She was to be cremated and that would be that.
No Memorial service, nothing.
It was hard to hear, but Travis was her husband.
He did what he thought needed to be done.

About 4 months later, I received a phone call from a police sergeant in the city where Travis lived and he starts interrogating me about Travis, Beki, and then asking me very personal questions about my life and my relationship with Travis and Beki.
I refused to answer most of them till he told me what it was all about.
Reluctantly, he informs me that Beki's death was suspicious and that due to "some" information that had been given to their agency they were investigating.
I was stunned.
My mind was racing back over the questions that he had asked me and then it dawned on me ....
So, I asked him point blank, "am I a suspect?"
He wouldn't answer and ended our conversation.
For the next 8 months I was bombarded with phone calls, letters and even a visit from the
investigating officers.
Come to find out, I was a suspect and I was under investigation.
It was horrible.
Apparently, the information they were working off of came from Michelle and her husband John.
They told the police that they suspected that I might have something to do with it so I could be with Travis.
They told the police that he & I had been having a secret affair for about a year.

It was ludicrous!
Now, all this was happening as I was trying to deal with the death of my brother.
He had been killed in a motorcycle accident 3 months after Beki died.
I had also just given birth to Lil Man.
It was too much for me to take.
It was the first time in my life that I felt completely and utterly lost.
I had reached my breaking point, and wasn't sure if I would make it.
It was a scary and frightening time.
I wanted so much to drown out the pain with my old familiar ways.
Honestly?
I didn't even have the strength for drinking or drugs.
Lil Man is really the only reason why I made it back from the hell I was in.
I can't say that I was the greatest Mother when he was a baby.
But I did do the basics - food, clothes, changing the diapers, etc.
I just went through the motions.

Several months later, I confronted Michelle.
I asked her why she did that to Travis, and to Beki.
And to me.
She broke down and said she was jealous.
She wanted Travis to herself.
It was twisted and sickening.
I said a good deal many things to her and then left.
I haven’t spoken a word to her since.

So, you can well imagine MY shock at receiving the IM from her husband.
He proceeded to tell me that they had found God.
They were forgiving all those who had done them harm, and were seeking forgiveness as well.
Uh huh ….
Should I be impressed?
I’m not.

Call me a petty bitch, but some things I just won’t forgive.
Or let go of.