October 27, 2008

It's NOT the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown ....

When I was a much younger lass and before I had children, I used to LOVE to throw parties.
Mostly a kegger type, but sometimes a bit more lavish.
Halloween, being my absolute favorite holiday, was always a great time to throw such a party.
Costumes, food, music and booze.
LOTS of booze.
FUCKTON of booze is more precise.

However, I have been advised to NOT throw Halloween parties anymore.
They're dangerous.
Well, not dangerous .... just a wee bit wild.

One year, long before I was of legal drinking age, I had a massive kegger and BYOB party.
It was wonderful.
Great music, lot's of people, nice weather, costumes and the all important "wizard".
My lovely bong that I bought at a head shop in Toronto.
I digress ....
But I was lacking one thing.
I hadn't gotten any, and ran out of time to purchase them before the big bash.
So, after I had consumed enough alcohol & earth friendly tobacco, I decided I HAD to have a pumpkin.
My best friend, also in high spirits decided she would accompany me on the search for
The Great Pumpkin.
We hopped on my 10 speed (we may have been fucked up, but we knew better than to try an drive a car) and proceeded out into my neighborhood to look for, and gather any and ALL pumpkins that were left outside.
Sounded like a good idea at the time.
I mean, technically, Halloween was over (it was about 2am) AND the only thing that would happen is that the pumpkins would either be smashed or rot.
We 'saved' them.
(Can I get a Hallelujah up in here?!)

Anywho, gather ALL the pumpkins in the neighborhood, bring them back to my house and lit them all back up.
Somewhere along the line, my BF decided that we needed decorations to go along with the pumpkins.
So yeah .... we 'borrowed' (STOLE) everyone's decorations and put those on my front lawn as well.
Now, a sane and SOBER person would have asked, "aren't you afraid your neighbors will see all this and call the cops?".
Well, I wasn't sane and I was nowhere even CLOSE to sober .... so I didn't give a fuck.
Till about 7am.

That's when I was so rudely awakened by the goddamn doorbell.
I had about 20 neighbors and 3 cops on my porch.
Mind you, I was still a minor .... so now, how do I explain all the stolen goods without revealing the big-ass partay that had occurred? (And was technically STILL happening as I had some friends having a private party with the wizard in the basement)

I simply told him that I didn't know anything as I had been sick all night (god knows I looked it .... I WAS still drunk after all) and that it must have been my brother.
I apologized profusely, then puked on the porch.

Needless to say, my neighbors took their stuff and left.
The cops also beat a hasty retreat as I was now in full blown projectile pukage.

Then there was the time that another girlfriend and I decided to dress as hookers and go to a local bar for their Halloween bash.
We were drinking, dancing and having a fantastic time.
Somehow, the party ended up back at my place ....
What happened next was a shameless display of drunken debauchery.
Clothes strewn here and there, naked people dancing and screwing in every imaginable place in the house, and yes ..... enough booze and drugs to keep the ATF and DEA very happy for a few days.
I don't remember much of what happened ..... but I will tell you that I woke up in the stairwell.
Mostly dressed.
Not fully ..... mostly.

Hmmm ..... maybe i'll have a party this year .....


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