May 28, 2009

Needful things

One of the more interesting facets of having moved back home is that I frequently run into
people I went to school with.
People who knew me .... "back then".
People whom I have spent over 20 years trying to forget.
Not that they were all bad.
I just didn't really share much in common with most folks
I went to school with.

I was different.
I was the quirky girl.
No one ever really knew how to take me.
I was a swimmer, a dancer and on Rifle team.
I shaved my head, dyed it every color of the rainbow and wore a mixture of
punk/prep/new wave clothing .... usually all in the same outfit.
I smoked pot, drank like a camel and popped speed for breakfast.
I was a model and on the debate team.
I hardly went to class, barely did homework and passed my classes with A's & B's.
My musical tastes ran from Siouxsie and the Banshees to Iron Maiden to The Who, Pink Floyd, Rush, Honeymoon Suite, Hooters, The Smiths, The Cure, Adam & The Ants, Rick Springfield, and everything in between.
I had friends in all the cliques, and belonged to none.
I certainly wasn't unique.
Just quirky.

Or so I was told recently.
As I said, I have had the joy of running into people who knew me then.
Most have all said pretty much the same thing.
I march to the beat of my own drum.
I did then, I do now.

I tended bar the other night, and one of these old acquaintances stopped in for a
beer and a chat.
As we were talking about how much people have changed and/or stayed the same,
he looked me dead in the eye and said, "the best thing about you has always been your ability to cut through the bullshit. You stand your ground, say what's on your mind and know how to take care of yourself. You don't need anyone.".

I was kinda speechless for a moment.
I mean, I know that fundamentally I am still the same.
I AM that woman.
But what took me back was that people still don't "get me".
I can handle anything that life throws at me.
Believe me, I have.
But it's had me thinking .....

Is that the only thing people see when they look at me?
The tough girl? The mouthy broad?
The strong one who follows through?
I'm not necessarily complaining .... more curious.
What is it in my personality that people don't see the caring, sensitive side?
Have I perfected the art of masquerade that well?
For my own sake and sanity, I hope the answer is no.
But judging by how people treat me and respond to me, i'd say emphatically ..... yes.

Not that I necessarily mind the person I am ...
I rather enjoy being me.
But there's more to me than just the opinionated, loud mouth
smart-ass that everyone loves so much. (sarcasm)

It's just something that stuck with me.
I don't have any answers.
I am who I am .... and I really do like who I am.
I guess only the people who need to see those parts .... DO.


At 5/28/09, 6:31 PM , Blogger Heff said...

You and I need to party.....

At 2/9/10, 9:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...



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