October 13, 2009

Sweetness-n-light .....

There are things that I totally suck at.
I know that this revelation comes as a shock to most of you, but really, even I fuck shit up.
I mean, we all have things that no matter how hard we try we just fuck up, right?
I KNOW it's not just me.

So, in no particular order, here's a list of shit that I fuck up on a regular basis.

1. I cannot make a meatloaf without the goddamn thing falling apart.
I've tried every recipe known, used various cuts of meat and they still fall to pieces.
So, I have improvised.
I now make meat muffins.
Yes, I make up the meatloaf mixture and cook them in my my muffin pans.
Believe it or not, my family actually prefers them this way.
Some of them are topped with ketchup, others in BBQ sauce.
Everyone gets it the way they want.
And really .... less fat and pretty easy cleanup.

2. Without fail, I will ALWAYS pick the worst line to get in.
Whether i'm at the grocery, the toll booth, ticket line, etc.
I have this uncanny knack for picking the line that doesn't move for hours on end.
I get the asshole in the SUV who pays a $.50 toll with a $100 bill.
I get the Newbie Poindexter at the border who deems it necessary to ask every FUCKING question he possibly can while I have a 4 year old screaming that he needs to pee.
Oh yeah, if there's a fuck up in the works, chances are i'm the schmuck behind them in line rolling my eyes and swearing under my breath.
Even my kids understand my inability to choose a lane wisely.
They just point and laugh.

3. I am unable to toast bread in the oven without burning it.
I don't know why, I just do.

Totally random and unrelated quirks .... but they all make up the "delicate sweetness-n-light hellbitch" that is me.
Aren't you happy you came by here today?


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