September 13, 2012

Better living through big Pharma .....

Today I took Woobie to a new doctor.
A psychiatrist.
She wanted to re-evaluate him and see first hand what exactly is going on with him.
For the past several months, there has been many differing opinions on what exactly
my son "has".
First it was PDD-NOS.
Then it was ADD.
Some where along the line I got "Extreme emotional/behavioral Disturbance"
And finally, ADHD.
What does all this mean?
Well, to me ... it's a whole bunch of horseshit.
It's all labels that make the "professionals" feel better.
He's my son.
I love him no matter what.

It's been exhausting, frustrating and challenging.
And as with ANY child, as they grow and 'mature', his behaviors change.
Some things get better, some get worse and some things just appear out of left field.

A year and a half ago, I had a boy that would gouge his face till he bled, smack and/or punch himself in the face and smash his head into the walls, floor, etc.
He would scream, "I'm stupid! I'm ugly! I'm an idiot! Everybody hates ME!  I WANT TO DIE! I should just KILL MYSELF!".

I died inside a little with every gouge mark, slap and declaration of wanting to kill himself.
I know it's nothing I did .... but I felt/feel helpless.
I didn't/don't know how to help him.
I reassure him ... and I don't give in to HIS feelings of worthlessness.
I stay steady and constant.
I remind him of how much he IS loved.
And how AMAZING he is.
I'm told that I'm fantastic with him and I'm doing all the right things.
And who knows, maybe I am.
I just take each day as it comes and fly by the seat of pants.
More often than not, I feel like i'm  flopping around like a fish out of water and trying to find some precious air.

The good news?  He no longer gouges his beautiful face and he hardly ever slaps/punches himself.
The bad news?  He's starting to become more aggressive towards OTHERS.
Punching, slapping, throwing objects, etc.
He also told the teachers at school that he would have his big brother come to school and chop their heads off and kill them all.
(2 steps forward .... 55 backwards)

Woobie is in a special class in a mainstream school; 8-1-1.
8 students, 1 teacher and 1 teacher aide.
Mainstream school has a ZERO TOLERANCE policy of the types of threats that he has made.
Yes, he IS a Special Needs Student.
But the school has a ZERO TOLERANCE policy.
I understand it .... and I see my sons future if we/I can't get him under control.

The psychiatrist recommended putting him on medication to help control the hyperactivity and tame his agressiveness.
I have seen first hand what happens to most kids when they get put on these meds.
They become passive, sleepy zombies.
The psychiatrist assured me that what she's recommending won't do that to him.
I don't want him a zombie ... but I worry about his anger and aggression.

So ... now I get the fun of doing research and seeing what the side effects of each drug she recommended are and go see his pediatrician and see what he thinks.

All of this has taken a toll ......
I act all tough, brave and "together" .... but really?
It's taking everything I have to keep on keeping my shit together.
Or, as a dear friend has been saying .... I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.
(thinking of you Dais!)



At 9/14/12, 5:16 AM , Blogger morningstar said...

I am not even gonna say I know how you feel - no one does - not really !!! I do know from watching other moms that this has to be extremely hard on you AND on Woobie.

I will hold you very close to my heart as you work your way through this "mine field" of drugs and treatments.

At 9/14/12, 8:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My ex step son is on the lighter side of aspergers syndrome. He will eventually grow out of that as he matures but it was quite difficult. I know you do the best you can and that is all you can do girl.

At 9/14/12, 1:59 PM , Blogger Walker said...

I am sure there are alot of factors that also blend into his emotions.
On top of his issues he has the normal ones that come into play as with all kids his age.
I understand the drug aspect of it as D2 was on them for a couple of years and she slept more through class than she participated which is a concern.

All you can do is make him know he is loved during the good and bad times and hope as he gets older he gains more control over his issues and i am sure he will.
Maybe he is the next Bobby Fisher or John McEnroe and he needs to freak out on the refs of this world for justice or maybe he needs a juice box and a pop tart.

At 9/14/12, 3:22 PM , Blogger Heff said...

Just do what you can - psychiatrists are WHACK, and full of shit.

How do I know ?

Because every time Heff went to one and answered BIG BREASTS for EVERY ink blot picture, they kicked my ass out.....

Just Sayin'.

At 9/14/12, 3:29 PM , Blogger Rafael said...


Feed the soul with love and prayer
With time the spirit heals
Medicine does wondrous things
Prayer is simply magic
Mix the two with a dab of care
A pinch of laughter, too
Bake it in a hearth of LOVE
VoilĂ ! A witches brew!

Praying you a miracle--

Rafa :D

At 9/16/12, 2:19 PM , Anonymous daisyfae said...

you are an amazing mom. wow. this is the really tough stuff. but you know what? you're doing exactly what needs to be done. with any medication there are side effects. and rather than just accept what the docs say, we need to pay close attention to the balance of leaving things AS IS, or accepting that the side effects are a necessary consequence of MAKING IT BETTER.

sending you and woobie a huge hug...

At 9/26/12, 6:50 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, SweetPea, sorry to heah this--how old is Woobie?

No need fer me to say nuthin' as I doan have the facts, but keep pluggin' to find the right team of pediatrician, psych, nutritionist, educators--

An' know Aunty will be prayin' fer y'all. Keep us posted.


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