January 4, 2006

The Bloody Bitch Returns

Hear that?????



The golden sound of silence.

Dadster is tucked safely on a Northbound Southwest jet,
The Boy is tucked safely at a desk in his class,
The Common Law is tucked safely inside someone else's house,
and yes, even Poot is tucked safely inside his crib for a nappie.

I hope y'all had a lovely ChrismaHannaKwanzaKa and a safe New Year.

Wanna hear 'bout mine?????

Too bad.

After picking up Dadster from the airport, we proceeded to spend the rest
of the week seeking out and purchasing Christmas presents.
We then needed to:
A. Get them home in my waytoosmallforallofusbuttryingtofindandrentacarnowisIMPOSSIBLE Mustang.
B. Keep said presents hidden from the rest of the creatures I reside with.
C. Make sure it all gets wrapped.
Now, being the logical and analytical person that I am, I decided the best way to get it all accomplished was to have a PLAN.
My plan included:

A. Chain smoking

B. Disgustingly high levels of alcohol consumption
(My goal was to stay drunk, or close to drunk for a solid 2 weeks; didn't happen)
My plan was followed somewhat, but not nearly enough alcohol was consumed.
By ME.

In fact, could someone hook a BAB up???
I am in desperate need of some divine salvation of the alcoholic kind.
Anywho, got sidetracked for a moment.

Did I mention that I also decided to turn into Betty fucking Crocker????
I did.
I baked many tasty and luscious morsels that are now gone (thank BOB! My ass did NOT need another cookay, know what i'm sayin?).
Dad took off for So Fl for a few days to visit some friends and to ring in the New Year, and we spent the night sleeping on the couch.
Ok, The Common Law DID get one last hummer before the 'stroke' of midnight.
I'm good like that

Woke up The Boy, toasted the New Year and went back to bed.

Yipee fucking skippy.

Did I mention that Poot had 4 teeth come in these past 10 days????
Well, yeah, he did.

Little sammich grabber has only been teething for like the last 6 fucking months! Jeebus!!!!
Oh, and a big "FUCKYOUVERYMUCH" to BergerMeister for this:
Yeah .........
I do believe that the prolonged exposure to the cold up there in the Land-o-fucking-frozen-over-Lakes has seriously affected your ability to think logically. (Yasureyoubetcha)
Why you ask?
Well, let me say this as with as few words as possible .....

Oh yeah,
I DID get one extra special gift.
Just for me .........

A visit from that evilbitchwhore, Aunt Flo.


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