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July 26, 2007

I'm melting .....

Is it possible to drown in one owns sweat?
I think maybe it is.
I think i'm trying to find out.
Not on purpose.

I wrote about working in an Easy-Bake Oven,
but it seems that Mother Nature, and all the other deities
I've pissed off over the years have decided that my torture and
punishment should be terminal hotness and profuse sweating.
For a few years now (6) I have been 'suffering' from Peri-menopause.
What is peri-menopause?
It's the span of time between being relatively normal and full onset of menopause.
It can last 6 months, or 10+ years.
It's that "magical" time when we women fall victim to the
Seven (7) Deadly Sins ........ of Menopause.
Itchy
Bitchy
Sweaty
Forgetful
Bloated
Sleepy
Psycho

Also referred to as the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause.
Personally, I prefer Seven Deadly sins.
It sounds more menacing.
Being the sweaty, itchy, forgetful, bloated, sleepy pyscho bitch I am, menacing gives me the warm and fuzzies.
Where was I?
Oh yeah.
So, now I sweat.
A lot.
Would it be wrong to put panty (ick) liners under my boobs to soak up
some of it?
Gross yes, but wrong?

I can deal with the irrational thought processes, the itchiness, and all the other fun-filled happy happy joy joy "symptoms" that accompany this marvel of nature, but why must sweating be part of this process?
I mean, even my fucking toes sweat! (Ewwwww)

Do you want to hear the REAL kick in the balls for me?
Sadly, there is a "worse" in all this.
The Air conditioning in my car took the big shit over the weekend.
Yep, sure did.

So, I'm a hormonal bitch that works in an Easy-bake oven, and who now gets the joy of driving in a small, BLACK car.
FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW!
Where's the AC love for this sweaty bitch?!

It's a fucking conspiracy.

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