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February 22, 2009

Musings ....

Hello all ....
I hope you're having a wonderful weekend.
I was cleaning out some shit the other day and came across a few of my old notebooks.
Anyone who knows me from a long time ago knows that I ALWAYS carried a notebook
with me. I used to write anywhere and everywhere.
I got out of that habit ..... and I have missed it.
I bought myself a nice new black & white houndstooth cloth covered notebook the other day.
I have carried with me ever since.

Anyway, I found these old ones, and even though most of it is dated, there's a few that aren't.
I wanted to share some of them with you today.
So, go grab a cup of your favorite drink, settle in and have a read.
G'wan ..... i'll wait.

Comfy?
Good. Me too.
I'm drinking a nice warm cup of Red Zinger tea.
Mmmm ....

This first one I wrote a VERY long time ago.
I was 13, and it was during a time when so many changes had occurred, and I felt like I was drowning.
This was an attempt to regain some control over my life before it went completely off axis.
It did anyway.

A Timepeace Essay
I am absolutely convinced
that one of life's major lessons
is
letting go.

The more acutely we are able
to discern just what it is
we need to keep,
and what must be left behind,
and then

The faster we are able
to instantly and completely effect their release

The more clearly we will be able to concentrate
on our progression.

The next one I found was written just after my fiancee left me for another .... July 1993.
I was devastated.
Walking alone,
Drifting aimlessly,
Empty shell.

This one as well ....

Love was once so full of promise, energy and life.
We had sworn ourselves, one unto the other
Heart, body and soul.
I gave it all, I left nothing unsaid and held nothing back.
But you faltered, and eventually broke.
Betrayed by loves sweet promise,
all I have left is a card saying,
"I'll love you - Always".
Empty.
Lies.
Love began with a kiss and ended with a tear.

I don't have a date on this one, but can kinda guesstimate the time frame as being somewhere in the mid 90's.

Inspiration has taken hold!
Yet, I refuse.
Why?
Fear.
I look into your eyes,
I search your face.
I know there's things to be said,
but .....
We hesitate ....
We breathe ...
We think ...
And then,
it's gone.

The next one I really have NO IDEA when it was done! lol

I have no idea what I’m trying to say, or convey.
I used to be so good with words.
But I have lost my voice.
I lost myself.
I have been someone, but who?
Parts have been me, so who made up the rest?
I no longer know.

Here's another that I wrote for my fiancee at the time back in 1989. It's unfinished, but I kinda like it this way

When I say I love you,
I'm actually trying to tell you
That my life was non-existant .... till you.
You look at me and I can't breathe.
You touch me and I am weak.
Every minute we spend together makes
me want more.

I wrote this when I was 13 .... May 1982.
It was a rough time .... and when I began my descent into hell.

When darkness descends,
my world becomes black as pitch.
I try to claw my out,
always searching for the truth.
Would I even know it?
Seconds feel like hours,
minutes turn into days.
My body is no longer mine,
you have forced me into hiding.
In the caverns of my mind,
where I feel
no pain
no tears
nothing
Dark , cold, empty.
It is what I become,
when darkness descends.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and enjoy some of my early attempts at writing.

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