September 20, 2011

TMI Tuesday (REALLY!)

Soooo ..... 

I am now a woman of a 'certain age'.
My body is going through all kinds of really fucked up  normal"changes".
Some good.
Some not so good.

One of my 'not so good' has to do with birthing my 2 gorgeous, talented, ungrateful boys.
They ruined my girlish figure!
They, along with lifting things I shouldn't have been, have caused my internal "lady parts" to start *falling out!
(I swear, even as I type that, all I hear is the old lady calling out from the floor, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!")

I have the trifecta of prolapses.
What does that mean? 
My uterus, bladder and rectum have all become UNattached and are pushing into the vaginal cavity.
They are falling out.
Let me say that again ..... they are
From inside.

I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened.
But I do know that i've had some "issues" since about January-February.
I didn't think much of it at the time; it was all very minor stuff.
But when I went to my regular "lady parts" checkup, my gyno was more than a bit concerned.

Since then, I have had a barrage of tests ranging from a transvaginal ultrasound,
(Translation: They shove insert a rod into your pussy to have a look around. I call it the Dildogram. 
The wand/rod looks like a dildo. The hard plastic kind) blood work, more "lady part" exams than I care for, and today's fun ... a Urodynamic test!
The Urodynamic test consists of a catheter shoved inserted into your bladder and another in the rectum.
They fill your bladder with water slowly and ask how your bladder feels at different intervals.
They also have you cough and strain.
Finally, when you tell them that you REALLY have to pee, they stop and remove the catheter.
Everything is recorded as you're connected to a computer as well.
I still have Cystoscopy left to have done.
That'll be another EXCITING test! 
I get a CAMERA shoved inserted into my "lady parts"!
I better not see THOSE pics on Facebook!

All of these annoying as fuck tests are leading up to a meeting where I find out what the course of action and/or treatment plan will be.
I'm praying that he doesn't mention surgery involving using the vaginal mesh that is so popular in 
the treatment of "lady parts" falling out.
There are lawsuits out the ying AND the yang involving this shit.
What am I hoping for?
A few things actually.
See, on top of these issues, I also have fibroids all over my insides.
They have caused me much grief over the years.
In MY world, I would get a hysterectomy and then have all my parts REattached!
But we shall see .....

October 10th.

Till then, i'm just gonna be slightly more than my crazy/sexy/bitchy/insane self.
Oh yeah, I'm on a "NO SEX" till further notice.

Again, YAY ME! Poor Jack ....

*I was going to add a picture for better visual understanding, but honestly? They were all waaaaaaay to graphic! Google "Vaginal prolapse" if you must see what the hell i'm talking about! Mines just not THAT bad. Yet.

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At 9/21/11, 6:57 AM , Anonymous daisyfae said...

Ack! That's quite the trifecta! Here's hoping they can find a reasonably simple solution... and fast!

At 9/21/11, 8:16 AM , Blogger Kimberly said...

You know doubt have won the Golden Globe for lady part issues. Ehm, my mother had a vaginal vault suspension procedure done this year. She is much better for it...

At 9/21/11, 10:38 AM , Blogger Boxer said...

and I was thinking my colonoscopy wasn't any fun. I'm rethinking this. :-(

xoxoxoxoxo Keep us updated?

At 9/21/11, 11:36 AM , Blogger BlazngScarlet said...

Daisyfae: You & me both!

Kimberly: Believe it or not, it's actually a very common problem.
But couldn't it have waited till I was 80something?????
I wouldn't much care then!

Boxer: Oh no, colonoscopies aren't any fun either.

Like I said, if I was an old lady I probably wouldn't mind nearly as much, but I JUST turned for fucks sake!

At 9/21/11, 2:55 PM , Blogger Walker said...

I just hope they get you fixed up real soon.
The older i get the more i hate the doctor.

At 9/21/11, 5:12 PM , Blogger BlazngScarlet said...

Fucklesticks ..... I meant to say I just turned 43.
Maybe I'm older than I think?!

At 9/22/11, 10:31 AM , Blogger Heff said...

*Cowering fetally in the corner*

At 9/22/11, 10:39 AM , Blogger Bamatrav said...

*stares in disbelief at a good safe distance*


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