Truth is .....

~ I had my hysterectomy almost a year ago ....
~ I still don't feel 'right'
~ I'm scared as hell that I will never be 'right' again
~ Menopause at 43/44 sucks donkey balls
~ Jack REALLY loves me (he 'deals' with my crazy-ass)
~ I'm excited about The Boy graduating high school
~ I'm also sad and terrified
~ The Boy starts his first real job next week
~ I have a VERY busy week coming up 
~ I'm thinking about going back to Adult Education and becoming an LPN
~ I have no energy
~ I try to stay positive
~ My electrical problems haven't been solved
~ My Father drives me nucking futs
~ I'm drinking more wine than ever
~ I hate that i'm currently sounding like a whiny little bitch
~ I'm going to finish my wine and Shut the fuck up

Saturday silliness ....

This morning, as I was trolling through YouTube, I came across a very rare gem .....

Olivia Newton-John & ELO from "Xanadu"!
Do y'all remember this movie??
Let me refresh your memory .....

"The Greek muses incarnate themselves on Earth to inspire men to achieve. One of them, incarnated as a girl named Kira, encounters an artist named Sonny Malone. With the help of Danny McGuire, a man Kira had inspired forty years earlier, Sonny builds a huge disco roller rink" ~ IMDB

This movie was terrible in soooooo many ways .... and I love it!


So as I was watching the video for "Xanadu", all I could think of was the daring Daisyfae and her latest adventure.
All you need is some leg warmers and shiny spandex pants to get your Roller Disco Queen on!
HAHAHAHA

Dais, this one is for you!


ROLLER GURRRRRL!

Have a great weekend y'all!

Grrrr ....

Yeah .... it's turning into one of "those" weeks.

I'll be back later tonight with a proper post and the
winner of this weeks Haiku Monday.

                                                                                  

Wandering ....

I thank all of you for your kindness and support in regards to my last post.
It has really meant a lot to me during a very long, emotional week.
I'm still trying to get my bearings .....
so please bear with me.

I just need a breather.
Some fresh air.
Some green space.

Me & Lil' man are headed out to the country.
I believe a weekend of  riding the ATV's, swimmin' in the river, catching fireflies and roasting marshmallows over a campfire is in order.
It's just what I need.

I hope y'all get a chance to watch Nik Wallenda make his historic  Walk Across The Falls. *
I really should go since it's in my backyard (almost literally), but i'm not.
Traffic ....
Crowds .....
No view.

I have it set to record on DVR .... but I imagine my SIL & I will be watching fireside .... cocktails in hand.
(we really "rough" it!)
I hope y'all have a safe and happy weekend ... whatever you do!

Till then, does anyone have an explanation for this ???
Anyone ????

Yeah .... me neither.


I'll be back .....
xxx

*How sad is it that once again, Canada has been able to properly advertise such an amazing event?

The US?  Yeah .... not so much.

Hair today ....

Last weekend, Jack & I had a wedding to attend.
On the day of the wedding, his niece came over to do his Mothers and his daughters hair.
I hadn't made an appointment for mine as I feel very capable of doing it myself.
However, Jack's Mother would have none of that.
So, I sat and she did my hair.
It was awful.
Bless her little heart ....
She's sweet as can be and puts forth all her effort.
Believe me, I appreciated her hard work.
My hair is a bitch and a half to style.
It's unbelievably long (down to my waist), it's thick, naturally curly and it frizzes.
My hair frustrates MY hairdresser and i've been seeing her for 20+ years!

Anyway, as she was styling me, she asked if she could come back on Sunday and just give me a trim.
I agreed because I knew my ends needed a good 2"-3" off.
Sunday at around 5, there was a knock on the door.
It was Jack's niece.
She had arrived to trim me up.

I wet my hair down and she got down to business.
As i'm sitting there hearing the snip snip, it dawns on me that I haven't seen any of the hair that's been cut.
But in my heart, I knew.
She had NOT followed our agreement of 3" MAX taken off.
Jack's daughter walking in confirmed my suspicions.
Her eyes were wide with horror.

When she finished, I stepped away to the bathroom to see what had become of my lovely mane.
I looked in the mirror and burst into tears.
My hair was GONE.
My waist length hair is now barely touching my shoulders.

I have been distraught ever since.
I know it's silly ...
I know there's nothing I can do about it ....
I know it'll grow back .....
But right now?
I'm sad and angry.
I feel naked and exposed.
I feel OLD.
I don't feel pretty.
(ok, i never feel pretty .... but that's a whole other post)


I don't feel like ME.

Anger management .....

It's been THAT kind of week ......

Land of confusion .....

Are we in 2012?
I wonder sometimes ......

Change?

What the fuck happened to Blogger????

I've never switched to the new template style.
So why did Blogger decide to change what wasn't broke?
My comments look like crap.

*sigh*
Change.

Maybe Wordpress is in my future

More of the same ...

I saw my doctor today ....

He released me back to work on Jan 30th.

With restrictions.

I can't lift OR pull anything over 20lbs.

Exsqueeze me???

Due to the nature of my job, I can't go back to work.

For 3 more months.

Fucktard say what???

Can y'all see the flames that are shooting out from every orifice in my body?????

I've been out of work for just over a month, and now I have to add another 3????

I won't make it.

I WILL kill someone.

Or at least severely HURT them!

Or myself.

Not only that, but I don't get disability.

My job doesn't offer it for part-timers, and technically, that's what I am.

I am beyond a BAB! (Broke Ass Bitch)

I may have to sell a child!

Anyone in need?????

Anyone??????

*chirp*

That's what I thought ......

*Excuse me now while I go drink myself into oblivion and maybe take a Vicodin (or 5).

*not really .... but it sounds good right about now!



Peaceful Journey to you Ms. Etta James!

Back off ....

It's only November 4th, and THIS is what I'm already reduced to:

You better listen up Fat man, or you'll be coming face-to-face with Woobie and his fluffy bullets!
HO fucking HO

Um ....

This was sent to me ....

It's so WRONG that I just had to share.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

UTERUS*

So ... since I haven't heard from my Doctors office, I decided to give

them a lil' jingle and find out when my surgery might be scheduled.

After being place on hold for a gajillion  few minutes, the Office Bitch Manager

comes on the line and proceeds to tell me that I have to sign a consent form first.

OK says I.
I will come today and then we can get it scheduled right away, right?

Um .... not quite.

According to my (lame-ass) insurance company, the consent form has to be

ON FILE for at least ONE MONTH prior to surgery.

EX-SQUEEZE ME???????

Do the math .....

(I'll wait  .... I want a coffee anyway)

Everyone with me now? Good.

So ...... there goes Black Friday shopping!

AND 

I'll be on strict bed rest for the first 2 weeks AFTER the surgery and recovery for another 6!

I hope the kids don't want Christmas.

*I just want you all to say UTERUS .... it makes me giggle.  =)

Life; interrupted

*I know it's hard to believe, but the world (mine in particular) DOES NOT revolve around YOU!

Get the fuck over yourself ....

Live your life .....

STOP trying to worm your way into MINE!

That is all.

*This rant is in no way intended or directed at any of my gentle and lovely readers.

Some days you just gotta let it out.

The world in which we live ....

BOY: "There's kicking, punching, whipping and shooting in this game ... but it's not violent"

ME: "um, yes CHILD, that all describes violence"

BOY: "Well, there's no blood in it.  It's not violent violent, it's baby violence"

ME: Walks away shaking head .....

TMI Tuesday (REALLY!)

Soooo ..... 

I am now a woman of a 'certain age'.

My body is going through all kinds of really fucked up  normal"changes".

Some good.

Some not so good.

One of my 'not so good' has to do with birthing my 2 gorgeous, talented, ungrateful boys.

They ruined my girlish figure!

Literally.

They, along with lifting things I shouldn't have been, have caused my internal "lady parts" to start *falling out!

(I swear, even as I type that, all I hear is the old lady calling out from the floor, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!")

I have the trifecta of prolapses.

What does that mean? 

My uterus, bladder and rectum have all become UNattached and are pushing into the vaginal cavity.

They are falling out.

Let me say that again ..... they are
FALLING
THE
FUCK
OUT!

From inside.

I'm not sure exactly how or when it happened.

But I do know that i've had some "issues" since about January-February.

I didn't think much of it at the time; it was all very minor stuff.

But when I went to my regular "lady parts" checkup, my gyno was more than a bit concerned.

YAY ME!

Since then, I have had a barrage of tests ranging from a transvaginal ultrasound,

(Translation: They shove insert a rod into your pussy to have a look around. I call it the Dildogram. 

The wand/rod looks like a dildo. The hard plastic kind) blood work, more "lady part" exams than I care for, and today's fun ... a Urodynamic test!

The Urodynamic test consists of a catheter shoved inserted into your bladder and another in the rectum.

They fill your bladder with water slowly and ask how your bladder feels at different intervals.

They also have you cough and strain.

Finally, when you tell them that you REALLY have to pee, they stop and remove the catheter.

Everything is recorded as you're connected to a computer as well.

I still have Cystoscopy left to have done.

That'll be another EXCITING test! 

I get a CAMERA shoved inserted into my "lady parts"!

I better not see THOSE pics on Facebook!

All of these annoying as fuck tests are leading up to a meeting where I find out what the course of action and/or treatment plan will be.

I'm praying that he doesn't mention surgery involving using the vaginal mesh that is so popular in 

the treatment of "lady parts" falling out.

There are lawsuits out the ying AND the yang involving this shit.

What am I hoping for?

A few things actually.

See, on top of these issues, I also have fibroids all over my insides.

They have caused me much grief over the years.

In MY world, I would get a hysterectomy and then have all my parts REattached!

But we shall see .....

October 10th.

Till then, i'm just gonna be slightly more than my crazy/sexy/bitchy/insane self.

Oh yeah, I'm on a "NO SEX" till further notice.

Again, YAY ME! Poor Jack ....

*I was going to add a picture for better visual understanding, but honestly? They were all waaaaaaay to graphic! Google "Vaginal prolapse" if you must see what the hell i'm talking about! Mines just not THAT bad. Yet.

* Friendly Canada?????

"Canada jails American Granny for 12 days in "heroin smuggling" mixup".

Hmmm ....... mixup eh?

My curiosity piqued, I decided to read and find out.

Hmmm ...... it seems that Granny's "heroin" was a mason jar containing motor oil.

I'd say that's one hell of a FUCK-UP!

I understand the suspicion, but how does it take 12 DAYS of interrogations and strip searches to figure out 

that it was motor oil?

WTF ????????

Welcome to "Friendly Canada"!

 * Maybe being so close to America has rubbed off a bit (?).