Life changes ....

I seriously doubt anyone will read this .... and that's ok.
It's more for me to get my internal shit out anyway.

My last post was my birthday ....
I can't even begin to tell you the number of changes that have taken place since!

I'd say the biggest change is that Jack & I called it quits in November after 5+ years.
It was my decision more than it was his.  The distance had finally taken it's toll on me and
I wanted something else for my life.
It was/is heartbreaking ..... but also the right thing to do.

I've also managed to lose about 45lbs since July.
I feel fantastic and don't look half bad either ...  lol

For 46, i'll take it!   lol

Sadly, i've had 5 deaths in my family since October with the latest being last Sunday.
It feels like I have a black cloud hanging over my head.
Maybe it's karma.
I just know that I have never wished for winter to be done as much as I want this one to be done.

My oldest brother was almost killed in January.
He took out a utility pole at 2am on a VERY snowy, shitty night.
He was drunk.
Yes, he was arrested and yes, he will deserve whatever the Judge gives him.
It's my SIL and my nieces and nephew I feel bad for.

Speaking of my nieces and nephew .... my Q graduated as an Automotive Tech from college in December.  I am soooooo unbelievably proud of her!  She's working in a dealership and loving life!
My nephew graduates this month and already has a few job prospects lined up.
Again, I am an extremely proud Aunt!

There's been a whole lot more too .... trips to warm, exotic locations, attempting to date again (that's an entire post in itself!) ..... so much more!
I won't get into it all now .... i'm tired of typing.

Hopefully i'll be posting again more .... the dating alone might make me do it!
I do have a question to ask .... since when is it acceptable to let your freak flag fly high and proud on a first date????  Not that it's that big a deal ... I just wish someone had told me the new rules.
This getting old is pure shit!

Weird Science

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor to try and find out why I haven't been able to sleep for shit.
Granted, I'm a parent so I haven't really had a decent nights sleep in about 20 years.
Also, my hysterectomy 2 years ago has thrown me into full blown menopause.
Yay me.

Anyway, my sleep has been worse than my normal crappy sleep.
So, my doctor sent me for a Sleep Study to see if maybe I was suffering from sleep apnea.
My son dropped me off at the center at 8pm on Friday night and I was taken to a private room.
It was really nice.
Queen size pillow top bed, fluffy pillows and soft cotton sheets.
It was like being in a hotel.
Till I got to the bathroom.
*sigh*
It looked like a hospital bathroom ... only, there was no shower.
WTH????
Well, maybe it won't be so bad.
I was wrong.

The therapist comes in, opens a closet door and starts taking out a whole bunch of wires.
She has me sit in a chair and proceeds to start washing my arms, legs, face, scalp and chest
with alcohol.
Then she starts attaching all these damn electrodes to me.
THEN all the damn wires!
WTH?????
I feel like Frankenstein.
Only with better hair.

Well, it WAS better till the stupid vaseline and electrodes were attached.
There I am ... aren't I stunning?!
Well, I wasn't done yet.
Oh no, I still had to have the belt across the chest (you can see part of it in the pic) and another
across the hips.
Next was the strip that ran under my nose from cheek to cheek.
Finally, a plastic piece up both nostrils and another that "sat" just inside my mouth.
Now, sleep like you normally would.

Are you serious?????
How the hell does ANYONE sleep with all that crap attached to you?
I sure didn't.
It was horrible.

This week I received a call from the center ....
The doctor wants me back in for another test.
Apparently my breathing becomes very shallow, but it doesn't stop.

I have no idea what will come of this.
I just know that I get to spend Valentines Day tied up.
Just not in the way I prefer.

Blizzard 2014

This is what I "saw" outside my patio door earlier today ....

Believe it or not, there is a huge shed off to the left and a fence about 75 feet from my door.
There's also a pool.

As long as the BBQ isn't buried I guess i'm ok ... right????'

Christmas Idea ....

Who's in??

Baggage

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately.
Looking back on my life and seeing when/where I made bad choices, mistakes, missed opportunities, etc.
It's not always a good thing to look back on ones life.
Yet, it is.
Make sense?
It's alright, I hardly ever make sense.
Ask my kids.
They'll just tell you that I have "issues".
Which I do.
(Don't we all????)

I am very much aware of my "issues" ....
All the faults, shortcomings, fears, etc.
Maybe too aware.
I know why I do what I do and act the way I do.
Someday I may get the guts to write about it all.
Unload all my raggedy-ass baggage.
But today?
Not so much.
Today i'm just continuing my reflection and introspection.
Besides, it's my dirty little life.

I blinked ...

and suddenly it was November.
WTH??????
Where did October go?
I missed it.

Crap.

Maybe i'll be around more in November.
Really.
I promise to try and squeeze in a post or 2 between a trip to San Francisco, bathroom demolition and renovation and of course, Thanksgiving.
Time is slipping away so fast these days ....

*sigh*

Not dead. Really.

I've just been away.
Physically and mentally.
I traveled to Cleveland a few times in July to help my niece set up her apartment and start college.
I spent most of August with Jack.
In between I've been taking care of Dad .... which you can read about here .

I'm not exactly sure how, but I managed to make it through the summer without killing anyone or ending up in Rehab.
I consider it quite an accomplishment as I spent a fair amount of time partaking of my newest favorite beverage:

I'm generally NOT a fan of ales.
I prefer stouts, porter, amber, dark lager, etc.
The darker and more bitter, the better.
However, on a blazing hot day, Redd's Apple was my go to.

I hope to get back into some regular writing.
I miss it.
I miss you all.

INDEPENDENCE!!!!!

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” 
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre


Welcome to Haiku Monday!
Our resident Southern Belle, Aunty Belle is our most gracious hostess this week.
In keeping with the upcoming holiday, Aunty has chosen Independence as the theme.

Independence takes on many forms .... from an oppressed people who band together to fight for their freedom, to a young woman striking out on her own for the first time.
I have chosen the latter to write about today.
My beautiful, smart, talented niece who leaves for college today.
She and I have shared many in-depth conversations and I consider it an honor that she feels comfortable
to come to me with anything and everything.
I will miss her terribly, but I know she will become more amazing and do incredible things!

So, here's to you Su-Z ......

Tough,sweet girl of Fall, 
17 and resolute,
Wings unfurled, FLY!

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” 
― Anaïs Nin

Have a safe and awesome week y'all!

FML .....

I just found my upright freezer door cracked .....
ALL the food inside is thawed, warm and needs to be tossed.
*sigh*

I guess I just live on vodka from now on.

FML .....

Countdown ....

My son graduates from high school in three weeks
I'm excited for him.
And scared.
The world is a far different place than when I graduated.
A college degree doesn't guarantee fuckall.

Thankfully, he is going into a field that hasn't slowed down and doesn't really show any signs of slowing down.
Healthcare.
He wants to be a Physical Therapist.
He's already in his 2nd year of Personal Trainer, so when he graduates he can sit for his license and be a Certified Personal Trainer and work in a Gym or on his own while he's attending college.
He thought ahead about all this, which is more than I can say for myself.
I mean, I knew I wanted to go into healthcare, I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do exactly.
27 years since I left high school and I am NOT working in healthcare!  lol

Anywho, the countdown is on ... and I find myself increasingly torn.
One minute i'm excited, and the next i'm bawling my eyes out and then i'm mad as hell about every little thing he's doing (or not doing).
I have a graduation party for 3 (my niece and nephew are also graduating) to plan, buy for and execute,
It's the end of the school year and I have Dad to take care of, and well .....
yeah .....
I feel like i'm riding a psychotic horse into a burning barn!

On top of it all, it's JUNE.

The most dreaded of ALL months for me.

*sigh*
I feel like i'm whining and bitching, but if I don't write all this, I may have a nervous breakdown.
And I can't afford to have one of them.
I have too much shit to do.

Are you serious????

2 days ago it was so hot here my tits were drowning.
Today?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????


*sigh*

I guess i'll just play some sweet tunes to make me happy .....

It's official ....

This "sandwich generation" seriously sucks rhinoceros testicles.

My Dad had pretty intense and extensive neck surgery this past Monday to replace pretty much his entire cervical portion of his spine.
The discs were gone, baby, gone!
He now has some spiffy new titanium discs and cadaver bones to keep his head upon his body.
He also has rules he has to follow ...
No lifting ANYTHING heavier than a coffee cup
No bending over
No smoking
But, like any 'child' in their mid 70's, he's broken all of them.
He wasn't even home 24 hours before he managed to break all 3 of them.
So now I find myself parenting my 70something Father.
I don't much care for it.
It really sucks.
Rhinoceros testicles.
Dead Rhino's at that.

It's gonna be a looooooong 8 weeks.
Send vodka.

Triple-D

Dirty

Drunken

Dancing










I was actually trying for a "come hither" look.

????????

Yeah .......


At least my hair is growing back.

Truth is .....

~ I had my hysterectomy almost a year ago ....
~ I still don't feel 'right'
~ I'm scared as hell that I will never be 'right' again
~ Menopause at 43/44 sucks donkey balls
~ Jack REALLY loves me (he 'deals' with my crazy-ass)
~ I'm excited about The Boy graduating high school
~ I'm also sad and terrified
~ The Boy starts his first real job next week
~ I have a VERY busy week coming up 
~ I'm thinking about going back to Adult Education and becoming an LPN
~ I have no energy
~ I try to stay positive
~ My electrical problems haven't been solved
~ My Father drives me nucking futs
~ I'm drinking more wine than ever
~ I hate that i'm currently sounding like a whiny little bitch
~ I'm going to finish my wine and Shut the fuck up

Grrrr ....

Yeah .... it's turning into one of "those" weeks.

I'll be back later tonight with a proper post and the
winner of this weeks Haiku Monday.

                                                                                  

11 @ 11

I've been tagged.
It's been a very long time since I was tagged (for anything).
So I think it'll be fun to do.
Besides, MOI has spoken.


The Rules Are:
1. You must post the rules.
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag eleven bloggers, however, you can break the rules and tag fewer people if you want. Make sure you hyperlink their names/blogs.
5. Let them know you've tagged them!
6. Have fun!

 MOI's Questions:

1. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun or The Boys Are Back in Town?
     You really want me to choose? Cyndi or Thin Lizzy? Girls v Boys?

      I can't. I won't; I adore both!

2. Camping or the Ritz?
     I've been camping since I was in the womb, so it's natural for me.
     But i'm getting older ..... I want them to build The Ritz in the wilderness.


3. What food are you craving RIGHT NOW . . . did you eat it?
     Potato pancakes.  No.  :(

4. The most thrilling place you've ever visited. Why?
     Hmmm ..... this isn't an easy one to answer .... i've been to a few thrilling places!

     I think i'll have to say Paris, France.  I was 17, getting ready to graduate high school.
     Thanks to my Father, I spent 3 glorious weeks traipsing through Europe, need I say more?! lol

     Paris holds a special place though.  The cafes, the food, the nightclubs, the art, the architecture,

     the overall vibe of the city, Italian students on holiday and did I mention being 17????!!!!  =)  

    
5. If you could slip into the skin of one public figure--celebrity, artist, politician--who would it be?
    Young Paul Newman or Sean Connery.  I mean, look at them! They ooze Sex! 
    It's also the only way i'll ever to get to see either of them naked.  =)
   
7. Look up from your computer. What do you see?
    Pictures of my family, my Mother's sculpture, the dog .... I think she needs to go out.

8. Sum up your philosophy of life in one sentence. You can borrow it from someone else, if you'd     like.
    "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams" ~  Arthur O'Shaughnessy, Ode

    (Also spoken by Willy Wonka to Veruca Salt)

 9. The one thing you just don't understand about kids today.
      The way they write and spell.  It's not that I don't understand it, it just drives me nucking futs!

10. If you could steal one work of art from a museum or gallery, which would it be?

      "Lovers Hands" by Rodin.  I have a thing for hands.

11. Regular toothbrush or electric?
     Regular. No power tools in my mouth!

Thanks Moi!
Whew!  They weren't as easy as they looked.

Now, on to my questions:

1. What's your favorite piece of clothing (shoes & handbags count)?
2. What's playing on your ipod right now?
3. Cops & Robbers or Cowboys & Indians?
4. Do you push the elevator button more than once?
5.  If you could have front row seats to any concert, who would it be?
6. Do you have any filthy habits you do in secret? (IE: picking your nose)
7. If your life were a novel, what would be the title? How would it end?
8. Comedy? Drama? Action? Rom-Com?  What's your LEAST favorite type of movie?
9. If you knew that everyone you know were to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
10. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
11. Why are boxing rings square?

Now, here's who i'd like to see answer:

Walker
Boxer (you said we could all tag you)
Daisyfae
Morningstar
BamaTrav
Moi (you don't have to .... i'm just curious to see your answers)

Actually, no one has to answer if they don't want to.
Or
Answer them ... even if you weren't tagged!

Titillating Tuesday ....

Nothing like hot cock on a cold day!
Yummmmmmmm .......

Van Halen

HAPPY FRIDAY!

I saw a promo for the upcoming Van Halen Tour, and *BAM*,
I was instantly back in the early 80's rockin' out with my (proverbial) cock out!
Diamond Dave and the boys were the SHIZZ!



But ..... somewhere in the middle of a VERY successful tour in 1985 for their "1984" Album, David Lee Roth was booted from the band (or left .... depends on who you ask).
The band replaced Diamond Dave with Sammy Hagar.
He was no DLR, but he & the Van Halen Boys managed to put out a few substantial and worthwhile songs.
This one (in my opinion) is still VERY relevant ..... 20 years later!




There was of course, ANOTHER change at lead singer (Eddie has 'artistic' issues) ....
Gary Cherone.
(Not a fan)

But, as time has gone on, Van Halen is back together as it was ..... except for Michael Anthony (Bass) who was replaced by Wolfgang Van Halen ...... Eddies son.
They are getting ready to release a new album.
Here's their new single:




Um ...... yeah.
Form your own opinion .... but I prefer to remember the glory days of Van Halen/Van Hagar.

Thankful ....

Normally, you'd see some smart-ass picture here for Thanksgiving.
But i'm not feeling it this year.
I'm more reflective and thankful this year.

True, i'm not where I want to be, and i'm missing a very big part of my family,
But I know they're safe.
I know I will see them soon.
I'm happy and satisfied being where I am with my Boys, my SIL and niece and her Mother.
They too are my family, and I love them dearly.
I spent time last night with a very dear friend for coffee .... and we talked about the good in our lives.
We all have crap, but for today, I will embrace the GOOD, the happy.
Enjoy my bliss.

I hope you all do the same ... and tell those around you how much you appreciate them and are thankful for them.
As I am thankful and appreciate all of YOU!

Ok ... I HAD to put up at least ONE funny pic! 

Gobble! Gobble!

Um ....

This was sent to me ....

It's so WRONG that I just had to share.

HAPPY FRIDAY!