March 8, 2009

Not what I had in mind ....

I had a completely different post in my head today.
It kept me entertained while I listened to my instructor
drone incessantly about the importance of documentation.
The joys of re-certifying my license in a class with

a bunch of babies.
Er ... um, I mean .... newbies.
They're a lot of fun .... especially to a perpetual smart-ass flirt
such as myself.
But .... i'm just not feeling that post yet. I need to do a bit more research.

Back to class .....
A few weeks ago we started patient assessment, and part of assessment is having
to listen to breath sounds in all four quadrants of the chest/abdomen ... front
and back.
The young stud, I mean, sweet faced, barely legal kid I was teamed with looked
like he was gonna have a stroke when he had to listen to MY breath sounds.
He was listening up around my neck.
Uh ..... no.
Sorry darlin, a little lower and to the right.
Calmly, I looked at him and said, "They're tits, they don't bite. Just don't don't rest your hand on my nipple.".
You'd have thought I just wrenched his balls in a vice.
Hey, I may be old enough to have birthed him, but I AM still human.
You rest your hand on my nipple, I WILL NOT be held responsible for what
I'm old .... NOT dead.
Anywho, I really did feel sorry for him .... for all of about 2 seconds.
I then went on to explain to him that if he plans to make a career out of
Emergency Medicine he better get over the hands on part of the job quick.
It's vital .... and sometimes you'll see shit that you know is just totally fucked up.
Believe me .... you WILL.
It will shock you, scare you, amaze you and yes .... make you wanna laugh till you wet yourself.
I remember the med student who called us because he had an extreme
case of medically induced priapism.
Lidocaine, cocaine and viagra DO NOT play well together.
That's just an FYI to all my male readers.
Use one .... NOT all three, or even two mixed.
Yeah, you'll be able to pound in a nail with your cock ......
but you won't cum.
It just stays hard.
How do I know?
Well .... when we arrived, I thought for a minute I might have two patients to
treat .... the raging hard-on sitting on the couch stroking his cock as fast and furious as he possibly could, and his girlffriend who was sweaty, breathing hard, and barely conscious on the bed from trying for the past five hours to get him to cum.

Oh yeah ..... better living through pharmaceuticals.


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