February 8, 2014

Weird Science

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor to try and find out why I haven't been able to sleep for shit.
Granted, I'm a parent so I haven't really had a decent nights sleep in about 20 years.
Also, my hysterectomy 2 years ago has thrown me into full blown menopause.
Yay me.

Anyway, my sleep has been worse than my normal crappy sleep.
So, my doctor sent me for a Sleep Study to see if maybe I was suffering from sleep apnea.
My son dropped me off at the center at 8pm on Friday night and I was taken to a private room.
It was really nice.
Queen size pillow top bed, fluffy pillows and soft cotton sheets.
It was like being in a hotel.
Till I got to the bathroom.
It looked like a hospital bathroom ... only, there was no shower.
Well, maybe it won't be so bad.
I was wrong.

The therapist comes in, opens a closet door and starts taking out a whole bunch of wires.
She has me sit in a chair and proceeds to start washing my arms, legs, face, scalp and chest
with alcohol.
Then she starts attaching all these damn electrodes to me.
THEN all the damn wires!
I feel like Frankenstein.
Only with better hair.

Well, it WAS better till the stupid vaseline and electrodes were attached.
There I am ... aren't I stunning?!
Well, I wasn't done yet.
Oh no, I still had to have the belt across the chest (you can see part of it in the pic) and another
across the hips.
Next was the strip that ran under my nose from cheek to cheek.
Finally, a plastic piece up both nostrils and another that "sat" just inside my mouth.
Now, sleep like you normally would.

Are you serious?????
How the hell does ANYONE sleep with all that crap attached to you?
I sure didn't.
It was horrible.

This week I received a call from the center ....
The doctor wants me back in for another test.
Apparently my breathing becomes very shallow, but it doesn't stop.

I have no idea what will come of this.
I just know that I get to spend Valentines Day tied up.
Just not in the way I prefer.

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At 2/9/14, 10:22 AM , Blogger Doom said...

Been there, done that. I don't believe their diagnosis, on my part, for several reasons. I actually slept fine, but just for four hours. I had other things messing up my sleep at the time though.

Well, as for being tied up for Valentines, I dunno? Pickers and beggars, oh my? :p Good luck with it all.

Oh, if they do decide you have sleep apnea (rightly or wrongly)... prepare to sleep like Darth Vader. You will get his mask. Didn't help me... But my sleep has improved, once they found the heart problem and started working on it.

At 2/9/14, 11:30 AM , Blogger BlazngScarlet said...

DOOM: I'm not so sure I believe their thought that I may have sleep apnea. I've always had sleep issues. Even as a child.
I am not willing to do the Darth Vader mask .... it'll ruin my sultry come hither look! lol

What heart issue do you have?
I myself have WPW. Born with it.

At 2/11/14, 8:53 AM , Blogger chickory said...

im going to ask the obvious but youve tried sleepytime tea? get the extra sleepy one. it works pretty well on me - also advil pm but i think thats just benadryl. Try Maca as a supplement it will even out the menopause effect. Good luck no sleep is no picnic. xo

At 2/11/14, 12:11 PM , Blogger BlazngScarlet said...

CHICKORY: I have tried all sorts of stuff! Tea, melatonin, Advil PM, Benadryl, etc.
I still wake up.

I will look into Maca though.
I'm over the whole menopause crap! lol

At 2/23/14, 10:05 PM , Blogger darkfoam said...

Oh, dear .. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I have a friend who has benefited greatly from the vadar mask.
Maca, huh? Will look into it myself .. :)
Hope your sleep improves!

Oh, btw .. in case you were wanting to haiku. fishy is hosting ..

At 3/8/14, 6:07 PM , Blogger Rafael said...

Have you tried s.e.x.? I don't know bout you or your girly bits, but once my 'electric stick has popped off, it's lights out for me!

A tad bit o' warm sweet cream in the evening makes sleepy time tea seem like a shot of espresso. HaHa...sorry:(

any who...any chance I might get to wrap my tongue about a wee 'Ku pop? Theme is corner, just round the corner at my place.

At 3/28/14, 4:29 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

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