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December 28, 2009

Love(ly) thoughts ......

I’m not sure if I’m an eternal optimist, hopeless romantic, glutton for punishment or just delusional.
I suppose it depends on the day.
What am I on about?
Ahhh ... that would be love.
I refuse to give up on it.
I believe in love too much.
It’s greatness.
It’s ability to heal.
It’s inspiration.
Its ability to transcend time and distance.

You would think that after 2 failed marriages under my belt and a handful of ex-lovers that I would have given up the ghost; refusing to let love in.
In some points in my life, I have.
But I can never stay away.
It draws me too much.

I am that moth drawn to the flame.
I am that one who cannot resist.
I am ever searching for it.
To feel its power.
To be consumed by it.
I have put myself out on the line for it.
I have given up all manner of things physical, emotional and spiritual to have it.
If even just a taste.
A glimmer.
A speck.

All love.
I don’t discriminate who, what, when or where.
I share my love.
Freely.
It’s all or nothing.
One cannot, nor should they pick and choose.
Cautious yes, but always keep an open mind.

After I left my 2nd ex-husband, things for me were pretty bad.
I was a mess.
No confidence.
Alone.
Terrified.
But I was determined.
Determined not to let “him” win.
Determined to recapture who I was.
Determined to live.
Determined to love.

It took over a year before I even looked at a man in “that way” again.
I was angry still.
I already had (have) trust issues.
My failed marriage, and the way in which things went down made it even worse.
I wasn’t even looking for a man when 3 of them, all very important to me, walked into my life.
One was a co-worker/friend who gave me my self confidence back,
One was a friend who was just as determined not to let me fall apart,
And the last was to become my live-in lover, companion and Father of my youngest.

My co-worker/friend would hold me and kiss away my tears as I cried.
For a short time we were lovers.
But it was never about the sex.
Really.
There were many nights we just lay in bed holding each other.

My other friend did silly things, like sending me a case of glow sticks for Halloween,
or taking me to lunch and showing up in a clown suit.
Asking me to dinner only to spend the night sitting on my porch drinking like sailors on shore leave.
He made me laugh.
He still makes me laugh.
He’s a big fan of corny jokes, and believe me …. He has sent them all to me over the years.
We originally were trying to date, but we found out early on that we were better suited as friends.

The last one had a wicked combination of wit, brains and charm.
Not only did he make me laugh, he made me think.
We have a natural, easy rapport.
We have a lot of respect for each other.
What we didn’t have was the kind of love that I wanted.
The love that we all deserve.
Including him.

So, I left.
I left that life behind me and moved back to my roots.
I needed some grounding influence in my life, and my family gives me that.
Yeah, they make me nuts, but I know I drive them just as ape-shit and batty.

I made a new life for myself and my kids.
I started ‘dating’ again, and well, we all know how well THAT went.
You can read it all HERE to refresh your memory.
Ok, truth be told, I was really just looking for one nice guy to go out with once in awhile and have some good sex with.
Not great, but good would have sufficed.
I didn’t want a “boyfriend”.
I certainly wasn’t looking for a soul mate and partner either.

But, we all know what happens when we don’t look for something ….
It shows up.
Ok, he was right in front of me the entire time.
What can I say?

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter.
I love him.
He loves me.
We’re building a life together.
Sure, we have obstacles, but nothing insurmountable.
He has become such a monumental part of my everyday life.
I can’t remember what I did before him.
Really.
I feel like we’ve been together for 20+ years.
Yet, still exciting as only new love can be.
The kind that you know will just get better with each passing day.
And it does.
Sometimes love comes thundering in ......
and sometimes, it just slips under your radar.
An inspiration, a ray of light ....
He is my north star, my constant, my home.
I'm on my way baby.






I thought I’d Seen Everything

I like the way we are - I love what we've become
When I'm in your arms - I know I've found the one
I love your kiss me mouth - and your static touch
Its just the way you are - that makes me feel so much

No one could ever know - what we're like alone
Rollin' round like rain - we're a midnight storm
Like a river rising - I feel it thru your skin
When we're together - I never want it to end

I thought I'd seen everything - till I saw you
I thought I'd been everywhere - till I'd been with you
I thought that everyone knew what I knew
I thought I'd seen everything - till I saw you

I like the way we are - like a raging fire
Burning up the night, burning with desire
You're such a sweet temptation - you know I can't resist
electricity, hey every time we kiss

I thought I'd seen everything - till I saw you
I thought I'd been everywhere - till I'd been with you
I thought that everyone knew what I knew
I thought I'd seen everything - till I saw you

Oh, all over and right through, yeah
I thought I’d seen everything - till I saw you
Like a midnight storm, you left me all alone
It’s like a raging fire
I thought I’d seen everything, yeah,
Till I saw you

~Bryan Adams

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