Heavy heart ....

Like a majority of the country, I spent a good portion of last night glued to my television.
I couldn't tear my eyes away form the horrorific scene in Newtown, CT.
I was consumed with sadness and wept off and on for a good deal of the evening.
I squeezed and kissed my own precious babe a little tighter and a whole lot longer.
He's the same age as some of those kids .....

Even after I went to bed, my brain was filled with thoughts of all those sweet innocents.
And the brave women.
And the parents.
And the siblings.
And the spouses/significant others.
And the teachers.
And the Fire, Police and EMS personnel.

I can't wrap my head around it.
Any of it.
I don't think any of us can.
I don't think we ever will.

As I sit here writing this, my Woobie is snuggled up right beside me.
Sound asleep.

I'm weeping again.
For so many reasons ....


My deepest sympathies to the entire town of Newtown, CT.
I hope you find some peace in the days, weeks and months to follow.
I hope we all do ....

20 children
  6 female staff members
  

B2S

Let the Games begin!!!!!!



111 days till Christmas ......

Back to life ....

.... back to reality.

Reality bites!

I'm back to work now ... which is good .... but I kinda got used to being home.
Getting up at 5am sucks ass.
I should just be grateful that I have a job to go back to.
While i've been out, the school district has done a major overhaul and has not only eliminated a shit ton of jobs, they also were able to get a proposition passed that will eliminate a shit ton more.
Today it was announced that after our Stupidvisor (he's a class 'A' douchebag) "retires", we will be using the services of a neighboring school districts Supervisor.
He will split his time between his district (super small) and ours (very large).
It should be interesting.
The inmates will be running the asylum!
Like I said, I should just be grateful I still have a job.
I am.

But i'm still concerned.
"They" want to cut special needs programs .... and I'm not sure how that will affect Little Man.
I'll just have to wait and see.
And hope.

I hate waiting.

How Blazn' got her fyre back .....

Yes .... it's me.
I have returned from the beauty and warmth of Jamaica.
Before I get into the deliciousness of my vacay, I need to address a few things.

First off, I want to thank Rafa for choosing me as winner of Haiku Monday a couple weeks ago.
I was (am) completely gobsmacked.
Now, having won, I was supposed to host the up coming week .... but I went MIA.
Ok, not completely MIA, but definitely off grid.
I apologize profusely to ALL of you for just leaving without so much as a "thank you".
I want to thank Troll (who I hope is all right) and especially Boxer for picking up my torch.
You both are all kinds of awesome!!!!!
Speaking of Haiku Monday ..... The theme was SMOKE and Chicory is the winner ....
CONGRATULATIONS CHICK!!!!!!

Again, I thank you for the win and I apologize for disappearing.

I will be back in a day or two with pics, stories and my feelings on the Brown Shirt Brigade (aka: TSA (Terminally Soulless ASSHOLES)

For now, i'll leave you with a pic of Little Man on his Bday.
As usual, he expertly captures how we should all live our lives ......

I love this kid!

Sensory overload .....

Today is April 2nd .... the official Light It Up Blue for Autism Awareness.
This is a cause that is very near and dear to my heart ....

Little Man was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which puts him on the Autism Spectrum Disorders list.
When I wrote this post last year, my baby was in a VERY bad place.

So was I.
We have come so far in the last year!
I wondered some days how or if we ever would.

He continues to amaze, astound, delight, frustrate and some days, scare the bejesus out of me.
Thankfully, we have more good days than bad days.

For kids with Autism or who have ASD, the senses are a huge part of the disorder.
Both good and bad.
Most have sensory integration issues.
Like Little Man ....

Both of my Haiku this week are not only for my son, but for others with ASD.

Jello? Too squishy

Clothing tags? OUCH! Deep, sharp knife.

Too much! Make it stop!

Sight, sound, taste, smell, touch

Emotions swirling, twirling

His sensory storm

Rafa is the host for this week ... and as you may have guessed, he choose SENSE for the subject/theme.
Please go visit .... you won't be disappointed!


 LIGHT IT UP BLUE FOR AUTISM AWARENESS!!!!!

Woobie-isms

"Mommy, I hope Santa brings me and my brubber (brother) Nerf guns.

You know, the ones with the fluffy bullets"

I love that kid ....
he always makes me smile and laugh!

Piece of the puzzle ....

I'm not sure if y'all are aware, but April is Autism Awareness month.

At least 50 kids today will be diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum.

Like mine was not too long ago.

My sweet, beautiful boy was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, Pervasive developmental disorder-Non Specific.

What does it mean?

Well, he displays some tendencies of Asperger Syndrome, and some tendencies of Autism.

Developmentally? He IS behind.

Intellectually? He's a genius.

Diagnostically? he's on the Autism spectrum. 
It's a very broad spectrum with a massive amount of grey area.

We knew he had some development issues 2 years ago and he started getting help.
He had been progressing amazingly well.

But in the last couple of months, his behaviors have changed enormously.

Many meetings ....
Tons of phone calls ....

I'm still in the process of working things out and getting him all the help he needs.

But ......

It's a battle.

It's a process.

And with all the budget cuts?
Yeah ..... it's even harder.

Personally, i'm still trying to wrap my head around it all.

I work with severely autistic kids, so I know how very challenging it can and will be.

But this is MY child.
My sweet surprise that just turned 6.
My blond haired, blue-eyed, gap-toothed, butt chin baby boy.

I watch him struggle with basic things like dressing himself and riding a bike.

But then out of the blue, he does complicated math problems (multiplication and division) and reads books that would normally be above him.
He's more computer literate than his teachers!
He is obsessed with Mario Brothers, Star Wars and Pokemon .... he can tell you everything about any of these subjects.

He's a wonder and joy.
Except when he's not.

It's difficult to take him places sometimes.

He looks 'normal'.

He acts 'normal' .... mostly.

But when he has a meltdown?
*sigh*

My son becomes "that kid".

You've seen him ....

The kid screaming and kicking in the middle of wherever we happen to be.

The kid who clenches his fists and whose eyes get dark and distant.

The kid who talks to himself, rocks, sucks his thumb, twirls his hair and when REALLY upset,

gouges his face with his fingernails till he bleeds, or bites his arm till he bleeds.
The kid that throws things, like shoes, chairs, dishes.
The kid that says such hateful, vile things in the heat of anger.

People don't understand.

And that includes people in my family.

They just don't get it.

Somedays, I don't get it.

But i'm trying ...

So, if you see "that kid" out somewhere .... don't just automatically assume that his parents should "do something" about his/her behavior.
Maybe they're doing all they can.

Sometimes the hardest disabilities are the ones you can't see.

LIGHT IT UP BLUE FOR AUTISM AWARENESS!